David After Dentist (Semi Funny)
Posted by NuRD under Funny
Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category
The Muppets – Bohemian Rhapsody
Posted by NuRD under Funny
My brother in law posted this….hilarious!
(Joke) LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE
Posted by NuRD under Funny
LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE
A Georgia Congressman was seated next to a little girl on
the airplane leaving from Atlanta when he turned to her and
said, ‘Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go
quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow
passenger.’
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it
slowly and said to the total stranger, ‘What would you
like to talk about?’
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said the southern
congressman. ‘How about global warming or universal
health care’, and he smiles smugly.
‘OK, ‘ she said. ‘Those could be interesting
topics. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow,
and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer
excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty,
and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you
suppose that is?’
The southern legislator, visibly surprised by the little
girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says,
‘Hmmm, I have no idea.’
To which the little girl replies, ‘Do you really feel
qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care
when you don’t know s…it?
(Joke) Difference between Men and Women
Posted by NuRD under Funny
WOMAN’S DIARY
12 July 2008 Saturday
Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I’d been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and was a bit late meeting him, thought it might be that.
The bar was really crowded and loud, so I suggested we go somewhere quieter. He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we went somewhere nice to eat.
All through dinner he just didn’t seem himself – he hardly laughed didn’t seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying, I just knew that something was wrong.
He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in, He hesitated but followed. I asked him what was wrong, but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.
After about ten minutes of silence I said that I was going upstairs to bed, I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply, He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile. He didn’t follow me up immediately but came up later and, to my surprise, we made love – but he still seemed distant and a bit cold.
I cried myself to sleep – I think he’s planning to leave me – maybe he’s found someone else.
MAN’S DIARY
Saturday 12 July
Played golf today and was crap – Gutted. Got a shag though.
Posted by NuRD under Funny, Technology
LOL. While I know this is fake, a lot of it rings true on so many levels.
Help Wanted Joke…
Posted by NuRD under Funny
HELP WANTED
Must be a good typist and be good with a computer.
Successful applicant must be bilingual.
We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.
A short time later a lovely golden retriever dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it, whined and pawed the air.
The receptionist called the office manager. He was surprised,to say the least to see a canine applicant. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office.
Inside, the dog jumped up on a chair and stared at the manager expectantly.
The manager said, “I can’t hire you. The sign says you must be able to type.” The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to quickly type a perfect business letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager, gave it to him, then jumped back up on the chair.
The manager was stunned, but told the dog, “That was fantastic, but I’m sorry. The sign clearly says that whoever I hire has to be good with a computer.”
The dog jumped down again, went to the computer and proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs, produced a sample spreadsheet and database, then presented them to the manager.
The manager was dumbfounded! He said to the dog, “Hey, I realize that you are a very intelligent applicant and have fantastic talent, but you’re a dog — no way could I hire you.”
The dog jumped down and went to the sign in the window and pointed his paw at the words, “Equal Opportunity Employer.”
The exasperated manager said, “Yes, I know what the damned sign says. But the sign also says you have to be bilingual.”
The dog looked him straight in the eye and said, “Meow.”
Update: Man withdraws $190K in $20 bills after denied $80K Mortage loan
Posted by NuRD under Funny
For those of you that ready my previous post, here’s an update:
In an ironic twist on Mapua artist Roger Griffiths’ protest withdrawal of his $190,000 savings in $20 notes from Westpac yesterday, the money was today back with Westpac. Mr Griffiths deposited the cash at the Nelson Building Society in Richmond, but because NBS banks with Westpac, it has deposited the money there.
[Source] stuff.co.nz
